Post by darock on Mar 10, 2007 0:26:30 GMT -5
Fellas, I see this subject has come up again in the women's forum, and it tends to spark huge debate.
Do you disclose your sexual past?
I believe in disclosure. I look at it a few ways...
1. It was BEFORE you and your current SO met. SO WHAT?
2. The issue of TRUST...it seems that some ladies are affraid to disclose for fear of having it thrown in their faces later...that can work BOTH ways (and we know that they are GOOD for that)
3. Your past behaviors and activities give great insights into your character, and have MUCH to do with who and what you are TODAY, and that is pertinent to a relationship.
4. What happens if you don't disclose something, and then they find out. Who wouldn't feel betrayed?
And I feel that if you can't trust someone with ALL of you, then maybe they shouldn't have any of you. If you DO trust them, then it should be up to THEM whether or not they can handle it, or want to deal with it.
How can the two become ONE if there are parts of you that they can NEVER know...much less HAVE? And if the script is flipped, exactly how do you reconcile yourself to the idea that those parts of your SO are exclusive to someone ELSE?
And in a serious, committed relationship, (and remember... this is just ME) a secret is nothing more than a LIE by omission, and can have a snowball effect in a relationship. Now, later on, the one who would not disclose is gonna want to know something about the other, but that other person is then under no obligation to disclose, no matter how important that info might be to that initial non-discloser, who now has NO GROUNDS on which to demand disclosure, or expect it. Where does that end?
If I can't have all of her, I don't want any of her, but AGAIN, that's just ME....
Do you disclose your sexual past?
I believe in disclosure. I look at it a few ways...
1. It was BEFORE you and your current SO met. SO WHAT?
2. The issue of TRUST...it seems that some ladies are affraid to disclose for fear of having it thrown in their faces later...that can work BOTH ways (and we know that they are GOOD for that)
3. Your past behaviors and activities give great insights into your character, and have MUCH to do with who and what you are TODAY, and that is pertinent to a relationship.
4. What happens if you don't disclose something, and then they find out. Who wouldn't feel betrayed?
And I feel that if you can't trust someone with ALL of you, then maybe they shouldn't have any of you. If you DO trust them, then it should be up to THEM whether or not they can handle it, or want to deal with it.
How can the two become ONE if there are parts of you that they can NEVER know...much less HAVE? And if the script is flipped, exactly how do you reconcile yourself to the idea that those parts of your SO are exclusive to someone ELSE?
And in a serious, committed relationship, (and remember... this is just ME) a secret is nothing more than a LIE by omission, and can have a snowball effect in a relationship. Now, later on, the one who would not disclose is gonna want to know something about the other, but that other person is then under no obligation to disclose, no matter how important that info might be to that initial non-discloser, who now has NO GROUNDS on which to demand disclosure, or expect it. Where does that end?
If I can't have all of her, I don't want any of her, but AGAIN, that's just ME....