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Post by Blaque on Jun 15, 2006 6:15:39 GMT -5
In what ways do you think you contributed to the demise of your last romantic relationship? This is a time of self reflection so that you can get in touch with the things that will make YOU a more desirable mate.
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Post by lusciouslois on Jun 15, 2006 7:56:25 GMT -5
being too open being too trusting doing too much for him
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Post by Blaque on Jun 15, 2006 15:50:27 GMT -5
I know that I don't fight for relationships and that's why most of mine come to an end. At the first sign of trouble, I throw in the towel. It takes too much emotional energy to make relationships work and don't have it to give.
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Post by pelicanguy on Jun 15, 2006 17:01:50 GMT -5
I admit, I was very impatient and frustrated....luckily I got a second chance.
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drok9
B.E. Sergeant
Too Blessed To Be Stressed
Posts: 1,084
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Post by drok9 on Jun 15, 2006 18:19:28 GMT -5
I acted as though we were married ... not so much living together but I did "wifely" things (did his shopping, ironed his clothes, picked up and made his daughter's lunch for school, washed his clothes, made his dinner, cleaned his house nd much more).
Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? .... is so true!!!!
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Post by pelicanguy on Jun 15, 2006 20:16:11 GMT -5
I acted as though we were married ... not so much living together but I did "wifely" things (did his shopping, ironed his clothes, picked up and made his daughter's lunch for school, washed his clothes, made his dinner, cleaned his house nd much more). Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? .... is so true!!!! At least you saw the light.
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cinnaroll32
B.E. Sergeant
Happiness is the key.
Posts: 1,637
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Post by cinnaroll32 on Jun 16, 2006 3:10:52 GMT -5
Beind too trusting, open, and just letting down all my guards.
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Post by allaboutme2 on Jun 16, 2006 9:40:33 GMT -5
being too open being too trusting doing too much for him ALSO....
Be too available to him....
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Post by allaboutme2 on Jun 16, 2006 9:40:50 GMT -5
being too open being too trusting doing too much for him ALSO....
Be too available to him....
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jazzlover
B.E. Sergeant First Class
It Takes Pressure to Make a Diamond
Posts: 3,912
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Post by jazzlover on Jun 18, 2006 5:38:07 GMT -5
Incompatability, you cannot MAKE people what you want them to be, you have to find someone that flows like you, it is too much drama and angst trying to spend day in and day out changing people, the reality is ONLY God can change a persons heart. Also is the person doesn't love you the way you love them it is doomed to fail.
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Post by dolphinfan on Jun 18, 2006 7:12:18 GMT -5
I meet a lot of so called SECURE women. Who ain't as secure in themsleves as they say, so as soon as they get comfortable!!!. They want to make major changes!!!. That has no barring own ,whats really going on!!, inside of the relationship. When I see that, that angers me!!!. Because it not (the feelings) that I'm bringing to the relationship, and, it moves us, to FAST!!!( A Time Frame). I do good by others, because it was done to me!! as a young person and man. That does not mean six months after I meet you, YOU MUST MOVE IN, and need to know my whereabout every ten seconds of the day. Thats when i throw on the KILL SWITCH. And i will kill a relationship, if i feel the person, is HERDING ME, to a specific, action, that I don't like!!. It could be the church, marriage, money issue, you name it. If i feel the WE haven't reached that point, where I have to do more then be your boyfriend, I DON"T CARE HOW GOOD THE RELATIONSHIP IS, I pulling the PLUG. I feeel ,That if you truely want a adult relationship, you must be honest at all times!! PERIOD, and if your looking for a Husband, a church goer, a mickey mouse dad, a punk!!!, You need to go somewhere else!!!, because if we don't, follow the numbers 1,2 3, 4, for a true relationship to grow, i don't want any part of it. Whats a dust ball now, will be a tumbleWEED! later!!!. And believe me, i have let go of a couple of DOZZYS(ole school) that when i look back, I wish i would have given them, more of a chance, BUTTT, both have been married more then once!!! So what ever I was feeling back then was RIGHT as far as I'm concerned!!.
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Post by blackviking on Jun 18, 2006 8:34:32 GMT -5
I have a "knight in shining armor" complex that gets me into relationships with women that seem to need "saving". Putting time and energy into trying to "save" a woman who's completely screwed up would bolster my self-esteem by giving me plenty of mental masturbation and ego-stroking. Usually, the outcome is that I fail to "save" them... and they piss me off to the point that I just walk. Their neediness, clinginess, and general psycho-issues, drain whatever I have to give. Then I leave in the sake of self preservation. In my marriage though, I had a slightly different outcome. I actually succeeded in saving her. Well... in all fairness, she saved herself. When we met, she had serious issues. She needed me to be the pillar that she leaned on while she gradually put her head together. After six years, she had made a 180 degree turn and basically resolved all of her issues. The backlash of that is... she didn't need me anymore. To me, it seemed to happen overnight. In the blink of an eye, I went from being an asset to being a liability. And I, after having poured six years of my life into helping her straighten herself out, had nothing other than that to show for it. She's out there living life as a basically sane, self-sufficient, and productive member of society. I had to go and start over from scratch. So, I consider that my good deed for this lifetime. From now on, I focus on me. I still want a family, so I intend to get married again. But, the next time around... I'm not looking for a scatter-brained psycho with no sense of proper priorities. I'm not looking for a woman who needs me in order to solve her problems. I'll be choosing the mother of my children. A woman who wants me to be their father, so that I can spend my life being their hero... just like my father is for me (PS. Happy Father's Day, Dad). Basically... I don't need a woman who needs me. I need a woman who wants me. "Clarity of focus is the reward of experience." - Me
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Post by dolphinfan on Jun 18, 2006 9:10:08 GMT -5
I have a "knight in shining armor" complex that gets me into relationships with women that seem to need "saving". Putting time and energy into trying to "save" a woman who's completely screwed up would bolster my self-esteem by giving me plenty of mental masturbation and ego-stroking. Usually, the outcome is that I fail to "save" them... and they piss me off to the point that I just walk. Their neediness, clinginess, and general psycho-issues, drain whatever I have to give. Then I leave in the sake of self preservation. In my marriage though, I had a slightly different outcome. I actually succeeded in saving her. Well... in all fairness, she saved herself. When we met, she had serious issues. She needed me to be the pillar that she leaned on while she gradually put her head together. After six years, she had made a 180 degree turn and basically resolved all of her issues. The backlash of that is... she didn't need me anymore. To me, it seemed to happen overnight. In the blink of an eye, I went from being an asset to being a liability. And I, after having poured six years of my life into helping her straighten herself out, had nothing other than that to show for it. She's out there living life as a basically sane, self-sufficient, and productive member of society. I had to go and start over from scratch. So, I consider that my good deed for this lifetime. From now on, I focus on me. I still want a family, so I intend to get married again. But, the next time around... I'm not looking for a scatter-brained psycho with no sense of proper priorities. I'm not looking for a woman who needs me in order to solve her problems. I'll be choosing the mother of my children. A woman who wants me to be their father, so that I can spend my life being their hero... just like my father is for me (PS. Happy Father's Day, Dad). Basically... I don't need a woman who needs me. I need a woman who wants me. "Clarity of focus is the reward of experience." - MeHad one of those too, but didn't get married!!! I think women, don't get it, except when it comes to there own kids!!, about the IMPORTANCE of prioritys, within a relationship, until it's over, but the settle right back into it, in the next one!!!. I'm glad you pointed out your experience, it's one, that all blackmen need to grow on!!!. Very well said too!!
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jazzlover
B.E. Sergeant First Class
It Takes Pressure to Make a Diamond
Posts: 3,912
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Post by jazzlover on Jun 18, 2006 11:05:22 GMT -5
BV you are "Sir SavaHoe"...I have the same problem!
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Post by blackviking on Jun 18, 2006 11:19:25 GMT -5
BV you are "Sir SavaHoe"...I have the same problem!
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