Post by cinnaroll32 on Aug 29, 2006 3:05:12 GMT -5
I have all girls but boys need just as much encouragement in today's world.
You're busy shopping for groceries when up walks a tall, teenage boy, baggy pants slumped off his waist, his chocolate hands shoved deeply in his pockets. What do you do next? Often the answer depends on how much melanin your skin contains. For most African Americans, the youngsters seems to be just your average teenager from the 'hood. But for many purse-clutching, wallet-gripping whites that same kid represents something far more sinister.
No one has it rougher than Black boys when it comes to growing up in America. At an early age, parents admonish Black boys to walk and talk and carry themselves a certain way to scuttle suspicions that they are up to no good. Black boys must deal with the reality of being treated differently because of their skin tone. They must face racism. They must wrestle with their own feelings about themselves and how others react to them. It's inescapable. That's heavy stuff for young shoulders.
African-American parents must manage a unique and delicate balancing act when weighing a son's normal developmental needs against their fear for his safety in a society saturated with racism and violence. Experts say parents must engage their sons in honest communication about the world in which they live, bolster their self-acceptance and equip them with survival skills. That in mind, here are six strategies to use as a guide for rearing Black boys in a race-conscious society:
Examine racial stereotyping early on.
Negative perceptions of Blacks are so widespread that Dr. Yolanda Y. Harper-Garcia, a licensed clinical psychologist and adjunct professor of psychology and African-American studies at the University of Tulsa, says that procrastination in discussing racism and stereotyping is "as wise as waiting until the child has his first sexual encounter to talk about sex." Be realistic about societal impressions. Discuss and debunk negative stereotypes. Explain how little things such as donning the gold rope, baggy jeans and floppy hat of his favorite rapper can color some people's perceptions. At the same time, Harper-Garcia says to remind Black boys that "in some circumstances even if he walks in wearing an expensive European suit and tie, he will not be immune from prejudice."
Discuss how race influences behavior.
Mis-education, including media images -- which depict Black males as dangerous more often that celebrating positive deeds -- feed prejudice. School systems also continue to reinforce the "savage" image of Africa, adds Harper-Garcia, who founded University of Tulsa African-American studies program. The problem is so severe, she says "that many supposedly adult school teachers fear African-American boys as early as preschool and kindergarten." Whatever the reasons, such fears can lead to unfair treatment.
A 1988 study by the National Coalition of Advocates for Students showed that Black students were twice as likely as whites to be suspended from school, physically punished by school authorities or labeled mentally retarded. Constant doses of this kind of medicine leave youngsters feeling wrongly punished and angry, and often leads the child to really do something wrong. By fourth grade, a hard-to-break cycle can evolve, experts say. Tell your sons in age-appropriate language what to expect. Encourage them to come to you when these incidents arise. "By telling his son that racism exists and that some people will look at him as less than a human being, this expectation and knowledge can psychologically prepare him for success in family, economics, politics, etc.," says Dr. Aaron Thompson, assistant professor of human development and family studies at the University of Missouri-Columbia in Missouri.
Address racial incidents involving your son immediately.
Not every racial incident is sparked by the "N" word. Say your son goes to the store with two of his friends. The store-owner may allow only one boys in the store at a time for fear they will steal him blind. Although no racial slurs were exchanged, your son may still be deeply affected. Parents must first attend to the child's safety, Harper-Garcia says, then explore the impact the incident had on your son. You might be incensed to hear of your son treated so badly, but parents must restrain their passions and discuss the hurt rather than the anger with your son.
Meanwhile, if your child has been verbally assaulted explain that racial name-calling comes from ignorance. You might say, "that person who said those words doesn't really know you. If he did know you, he would know you're a smart, caring friend that loves to play checkers. It also helps to draw out their ideas about what to do next. Ask your son, "What would you like to say to that person who hurt you?" This approach allows the child to regain some of his lost sense of self.
Share your experiences.
History doesn't only mean dusting off textbook favorites. Parents and relatives should share with Black boys their encounters with racism. Talking about how Uncle Leroy explained to the store manager that because he was not a child he didn't require a chaperone as he shopped, brings the concept to life for children and makes the topic relevant. That kind of information arms Black boys with an awareness for the future, so that when things come up, they can interpret the situation and respond appropriately.
Foster your son's self-esteem.
Parents of African-American boys must labor more conscientiously than their White counterparts to develop positive cultural knowledge and self-acceptance, Harper-Garcia says. Unlike their White parents, Blacks cannot rely on media, school systems, society, or even the church -- in most instances -- to provide sufficient positive images and knowledge about their son's heritage and their potential. It is left to parents to find books and other media discussing Black accomplishments and encourage their sons to learn. Families that have computers can find sites on the World Wide Web filled with Black history and accomplishments.
Most important, parents need to celebrate their sons.
Praise their accomplishments and encourage them when they make mistakes. Help your son develop talents that challenge him. Let them know that Blackness is beautiful. These informal chats should not only help boys recognize and embrace racial differences, but celebrate their unique physical attributes as well -- lest comments about a Black boy's tightly coiled, kinky hair or full lips shatter his self-esteem.
Equip your child with anger management skills.
"It is negligent not to teach your child anger management," says Harper-Garcia, author of "Disciplining Our Children: For Parenting, Teaching and Nurturing Our Children." When your son is attacked by racial slurs, troubled by the police, or shadowed by store personnel he must know how to manage his wrath in an appropriate fashion. One way to do this is to rehearse common scenarios. Pretend to be the store clerk. Fire accusatory questions like, "What's in your pockets?" or "Do you have any money?" at your son. Gauge his reactions and solicit his responses. Praise appropriate responses and gently correct inappropriate behavior.
The key is to encourage your child to think clearly so he knows when to assert himself or retreat from a hostile situation or dangerous situation. Taking the time to teach "what is good and what is bad is crucial in helping the young African-American son to make the most appropriate decisions that will best suit himself," says Dashiel J. Geyen, a professor in the department of social services at the University of Houston in Texas. More often that not his behavior will result in "responsible choices that he can accept and the live with comfortably."
www.familydigest.com/stories/sons.cfm
You're busy shopping for groceries when up walks a tall, teenage boy, baggy pants slumped off his waist, his chocolate hands shoved deeply in his pockets. What do you do next? Often the answer depends on how much melanin your skin contains. For most African Americans, the youngsters seems to be just your average teenager from the 'hood. But for many purse-clutching, wallet-gripping whites that same kid represents something far more sinister.
No one has it rougher than Black boys when it comes to growing up in America. At an early age, parents admonish Black boys to walk and talk and carry themselves a certain way to scuttle suspicions that they are up to no good. Black boys must deal with the reality of being treated differently because of their skin tone. They must face racism. They must wrestle with their own feelings about themselves and how others react to them. It's inescapable. That's heavy stuff for young shoulders.
African-American parents must manage a unique and delicate balancing act when weighing a son's normal developmental needs against their fear for his safety in a society saturated with racism and violence. Experts say parents must engage their sons in honest communication about the world in which they live, bolster their self-acceptance and equip them with survival skills. That in mind, here are six strategies to use as a guide for rearing Black boys in a race-conscious society:
Examine racial stereotyping early on.
Negative perceptions of Blacks are so widespread that Dr. Yolanda Y. Harper-Garcia, a licensed clinical psychologist and adjunct professor of psychology and African-American studies at the University of Tulsa, says that procrastination in discussing racism and stereotyping is "as wise as waiting until the child has his first sexual encounter to talk about sex." Be realistic about societal impressions. Discuss and debunk negative stereotypes. Explain how little things such as donning the gold rope, baggy jeans and floppy hat of his favorite rapper can color some people's perceptions. At the same time, Harper-Garcia says to remind Black boys that "in some circumstances even if he walks in wearing an expensive European suit and tie, he will not be immune from prejudice."
Discuss how race influences behavior.
Mis-education, including media images -- which depict Black males as dangerous more often that celebrating positive deeds -- feed prejudice. School systems also continue to reinforce the "savage" image of Africa, adds Harper-Garcia, who founded University of Tulsa African-American studies program. The problem is so severe, she says "that many supposedly adult school teachers fear African-American boys as early as preschool and kindergarten." Whatever the reasons, such fears can lead to unfair treatment.
A 1988 study by the National Coalition of Advocates for Students showed that Black students were twice as likely as whites to be suspended from school, physically punished by school authorities or labeled mentally retarded. Constant doses of this kind of medicine leave youngsters feeling wrongly punished and angry, and often leads the child to really do something wrong. By fourth grade, a hard-to-break cycle can evolve, experts say. Tell your sons in age-appropriate language what to expect. Encourage them to come to you when these incidents arise. "By telling his son that racism exists and that some people will look at him as less than a human being, this expectation and knowledge can psychologically prepare him for success in family, economics, politics, etc.," says Dr. Aaron Thompson, assistant professor of human development and family studies at the University of Missouri-Columbia in Missouri.
Address racial incidents involving your son immediately.
Not every racial incident is sparked by the "N" word. Say your son goes to the store with two of his friends. The store-owner may allow only one boys in the store at a time for fear they will steal him blind. Although no racial slurs were exchanged, your son may still be deeply affected. Parents must first attend to the child's safety, Harper-Garcia says, then explore the impact the incident had on your son. You might be incensed to hear of your son treated so badly, but parents must restrain their passions and discuss the hurt rather than the anger with your son.
Meanwhile, if your child has been verbally assaulted explain that racial name-calling comes from ignorance. You might say, "that person who said those words doesn't really know you. If he did know you, he would know you're a smart, caring friend that loves to play checkers. It also helps to draw out their ideas about what to do next. Ask your son, "What would you like to say to that person who hurt you?" This approach allows the child to regain some of his lost sense of self.
Share your experiences.
History doesn't only mean dusting off textbook favorites. Parents and relatives should share with Black boys their encounters with racism. Talking about how Uncle Leroy explained to the store manager that because he was not a child he didn't require a chaperone as he shopped, brings the concept to life for children and makes the topic relevant. That kind of information arms Black boys with an awareness for the future, so that when things come up, they can interpret the situation and respond appropriately.
Foster your son's self-esteem.
Parents of African-American boys must labor more conscientiously than their White counterparts to develop positive cultural knowledge and self-acceptance, Harper-Garcia says. Unlike their White parents, Blacks cannot rely on media, school systems, society, or even the church -- in most instances -- to provide sufficient positive images and knowledge about their son's heritage and their potential. It is left to parents to find books and other media discussing Black accomplishments and encourage their sons to learn. Families that have computers can find sites on the World Wide Web filled with Black history and accomplishments.
Most important, parents need to celebrate their sons.
Praise their accomplishments and encourage them when they make mistakes. Help your son develop talents that challenge him. Let them know that Blackness is beautiful. These informal chats should not only help boys recognize and embrace racial differences, but celebrate their unique physical attributes as well -- lest comments about a Black boy's tightly coiled, kinky hair or full lips shatter his self-esteem.
Equip your child with anger management skills.
"It is negligent not to teach your child anger management," says Harper-Garcia, author of "Disciplining Our Children: For Parenting, Teaching and Nurturing Our Children." When your son is attacked by racial slurs, troubled by the police, or shadowed by store personnel he must know how to manage his wrath in an appropriate fashion. One way to do this is to rehearse common scenarios. Pretend to be the store clerk. Fire accusatory questions like, "What's in your pockets?" or "Do you have any money?" at your son. Gauge his reactions and solicit his responses. Praise appropriate responses and gently correct inappropriate behavior.
The key is to encourage your child to think clearly so he knows when to assert himself or retreat from a hostile situation or dangerous situation. Taking the time to teach "what is good and what is bad is crucial in helping the young African-American son to make the most appropriate decisions that will best suit himself," says Dashiel J. Geyen, a professor in the department of social services at the University of Houston in Texas. More often that not his behavior will result in "responsible choices that he can accept and the live with comfortably."
www.familydigest.com/stories/sons.cfm