Post by blackviking on May 22, 2006 23:03:43 GMT -5
What She Says vs. What She Means
By Victoria Holmes
While you may come across a woman who means what she says and says what she means at some point in your life, chances are that you've probably had more encounters with women who do just the opposite. Many women have this insanely annoying habit of saying the complete opposite of what they mean, or even worse, asking you seemingly innocent questions that are really a highly orchestrated plot to test you at every possible opportunity.
I'm sure that like many men, you've unwittingly fallen victim to such behavior, which has left you puzzled, bewildered and even frustrated.
This isn't only bad for you, it's also bad for us women who don't engage in this strange practice, because then you end up trying to decode things that we actually meant to be taken literally; which often results in serious misunderstandings.
In the hopes of setting things straight once and for all -- and making you chuckle -- I have outlined some of the most widely used lines that women subject their men to, how you interpret them, and what she probably meant. I have also included suggestions on what you can do to circumvent this horrible form of miscommunication.
1- "I don't mind when you go to strip joints."
What you think: "My girlfriend is so cool! I need to call the guys right now and head down to Hooters!"
What she probably meant: "Not only can I not believe that you enjoy watching nearly naked gyrating skanks, but I abhor when you go to strip joints! If you really cared about me, you wouldn't even think about ever going to one again!"
The women who play this game do not understand that guys will always love to look at attractive women -- especially ones that are dancing for them, nearly naked and not playing any mind games with them -- and that it really has nothing to do with them at all.
Instead, they take you going to a strip joint as a personal insult to them, and are too insecure to even tell you so directly, so they try using reverse psychology -- which usually doesn't work out as they had hoped.
By telling you that they don't mind, they are hoping that you will turn around and say: "Why would I need to go to a filthy strip joint when I have all the woman I could possibly ever want to look at right now in front of me?"
But you took it at face value, and are still paying for it I'm sure. By going to the club, you not only became a male pig in her eyes, but you also became a thick male pig because you failed to grasp the meaning of such an obvious statement.
What to do next time: Take this statement with a grain of salt and don't get too excited. Don't go to a strip joint that night, or even the following night. But when you do decide to go ogle some big-chested blondes, and she tries to give you flack about it, gently remind her about what she said. She won't be able to say a word.
2- "If you weren't with me, which of my friends would you go for?"
What you think: "This is odd. She wants me to tell her how hot I think her friend Jennifer is. Okay then..."
What she probably meant: "Please tell me that you don't think my friend Jennifer is hotter than me."
Like the previous example, this is yet another test for her to determine if you love her in a way that she deems acceptable or not.
By asking you this question, she is hoping you'll tell her that you can't even picture being with anyone but her, and that, she is, by far, the prettiest of her friends.
What to do next time: Although I don't usually advocate lying, if you don't feel like spending the next few days profusely apologizing to your girlfriend for no reason -- and having your every exchange with Jennifer turn into a paranoid 'r' us convention -- then for God's sake man, do not reveal your said crush.
Try telling her what she wants to hear, and moving in for some action to back up your words of love. (Yes, this is a woman writing this).
3- "Tell me the truth: have I gained weight?"
What you think: "Well, she has been looking a little chunky lately... Here's my chance to make sure that this doesn't go any further. Is that ice cream in her hands?!?"
What she probably meant: "I'm feeling insecure about how I look. Tell me something reassuring."
This is a tough one because on one hand, you don't want to hurt your girlfriend's feelings, but you don't want to be dating a fat chick either. So what is a guy to do?
Tell me you didn't playfully tell her that she's giving Renee Zellweger in Bridget Jones's Diary a run for her money... You poor soul.
What to do next time: She may just be fishing for a compliment. If she really hasn't gained any weight, tell her that she looks fantastic and that she's being silly.
If she has gained over 10 pounds, and it doesn't seem to be stopping, maybe you can gently tell her that you've both put on a few pounds lately, and suggest that you both start going to the gym together.
By using the right tone and choosing your words wisely -- and showing her that you are willing to go to the gym with her -- you will at least make her feel like she has your support.
words of wisdom
It's sad but true: women don't always say what they mean. So don't fall prey to their traps. Try to see through their queries and comments as much as possible, and avoid any undue grief. But remember that some women actually do say what they mean (I know, you just can't win...).
www.askmen.com/dating/heidi_100/100_dating_girl.html
By Victoria Holmes
While you may come across a woman who means what she says and says what she means at some point in your life, chances are that you've probably had more encounters with women who do just the opposite. Many women have this insanely annoying habit of saying the complete opposite of what they mean, or even worse, asking you seemingly innocent questions that are really a highly orchestrated plot to test you at every possible opportunity.
I'm sure that like many men, you've unwittingly fallen victim to such behavior, which has left you puzzled, bewildered and even frustrated.
This isn't only bad for you, it's also bad for us women who don't engage in this strange practice, because then you end up trying to decode things that we actually meant to be taken literally; which often results in serious misunderstandings.
In the hopes of setting things straight once and for all -- and making you chuckle -- I have outlined some of the most widely used lines that women subject their men to, how you interpret them, and what she probably meant. I have also included suggestions on what you can do to circumvent this horrible form of miscommunication.
1- "I don't mind when you go to strip joints."
What you think: "My girlfriend is so cool! I need to call the guys right now and head down to Hooters!"
What she probably meant: "Not only can I not believe that you enjoy watching nearly naked gyrating skanks, but I abhor when you go to strip joints! If you really cared about me, you wouldn't even think about ever going to one again!"
The women who play this game do not understand that guys will always love to look at attractive women -- especially ones that are dancing for them, nearly naked and not playing any mind games with them -- and that it really has nothing to do with them at all.
Instead, they take you going to a strip joint as a personal insult to them, and are too insecure to even tell you so directly, so they try using reverse psychology -- which usually doesn't work out as they had hoped.
By telling you that they don't mind, they are hoping that you will turn around and say: "Why would I need to go to a filthy strip joint when I have all the woman I could possibly ever want to look at right now in front of me?"
But you took it at face value, and are still paying for it I'm sure. By going to the club, you not only became a male pig in her eyes, but you also became a thick male pig because you failed to grasp the meaning of such an obvious statement.
What to do next time: Take this statement with a grain of salt and don't get too excited. Don't go to a strip joint that night, or even the following night. But when you do decide to go ogle some big-chested blondes, and she tries to give you flack about it, gently remind her about what she said. She won't be able to say a word.
2- "If you weren't with me, which of my friends would you go for?"
What you think: "This is odd. She wants me to tell her how hot I think her friend Jennifer is. Okay then..."
What she probably meant: "Please tell me that you don't think my friend Jennifer is hotter than me."
Like the previous example, this is yet another test for her to determine if you love her in a way that she deems acceptable or not.
By asking you this question, she is hoping you'll tell her that you can't even picture being with anyone but her, and that, she is, by far, the prettiest of her friends.
What to do next time: Although I don't usually advocate lying, if you don't feel like spending the next few days profusely apologizing to your girlfriend for no reason -- and having your every exchange with Jennifer turn into a paranoid 'r' us convention -- then for God's sake man, do not reveal your said crush.
Try telling her what she wants to hear, and moving in for some action to back up your words of love. (Yes, this is a woman writing this).
3- "Tell me the truth: have I gained weight?"
What you think: "Well, she has been looking a little chunky lately... Here's my chance to make sure that this doesn't go any further. Is that ice cream in her hands?!?"
What she probably meant: "I'm feeling insecure about how I look. Tell me something reassuring."
This is a tough one because on one hand, you don't want to hurt your girlfriend's feelings, but you don't want to be dating a fat chick either. So what is a guy to do?
Tell me you didn't playfully tell her that she's giving Renee Zellweger in Bridget Jones's Diary a run for her money... You poor soul.
What to do next time: She may just be fishing for a compliment. If she really hasn't gained any weight, tell her that she looks fantastic and that she's being silly.
If she has gained over 10 pounds, and it doesn't seem to be stopping, maybe you can gently tell her that you've both put on a few pounds lately, and suggest that you both start going to the gym together.
By using the right tone and choosing your words wisely -- and showing her that you are willing to go to the gym with her -- you will at least make her feel like she has your support.
words of wisdom
It's sad but true: women don't always say what they mean. So don't fall prey to their traps. Try to see through their queries and comments as much as possible, and avoid any undue grief. But remember that some women actually do say what they mean (I know, you just can't win...).
www.askmen.com/dating/heidi_100/100_dating_girl.html