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Post by dolphinfan on Oct 28, 2006 4:10:55 GMT -5
It's late, and I couldn't sleep, so I decided to visit my favorite site, but not much was going on. so I decide to see what the Lady's have been writing, and came upon this post of the very same name. I still can't understand, why women, who claim to be smart people, would allow someone to come into there life, without a JOB. Now I'm excluding GREAT SEX, because technically, that could be considered a side JOB, but the Negro should NOT be able to live with YOU. NO JOBBY JOB, NO HOMEY HOME,...........HOMIE!!!!!! ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAVE KIDS!!!!!!! BUT !!!!!!! to put this all on the man, I got deep problems with that!. 1) When are women gonna step up to the plate, about the BOYS, they choose to have relationships with? 2)If it ain't rape, and he ain't wrapped, what are you letting him in for???(making unwanted baby's) 3)If your so religious, why are you IGNORING, the men in CHURCH 4) If you don't have the money, why are you buying it!!!!!! SUPPORTING IT, DEFERRING TO IT. Does it make you more of a women? I know some of you are wondering , why is sex, an exception. I believe that sharing an intimate moment, with somebody you trust sexually, is OK. As long as it's kept private. I believe too many times, women lie about there true needs and try to make up for lost time, with a LOSER. And sometimes, GREAT SEX, can be a deciding factor, in your Bad decision making ( that can go for both sexes!!!). So having these PRIVATE moments are OK, as long as both party's, understand what going on..........Your getting your Freaks ON, not making love!!!!!!!!!. Making love, is when two committed people, be it in marriage, or long time relationship. But, back to the money issue......................Here is a simple solution, for everybody ; When you get into a *relationship*, and you seem to be always giving, but only receiving sex or lip service, in exchange, for you kindness!!!!!!!!! not FULL-fullness,you are are being USED!!!!. I never give money to women, I don't KNOW, I don't care what the circumstances are. Life is not fair, so stop acting like it is!!!!!!!!!!!! I will help out somebody, I know,who is in need!!!!!, and!!!!!!! we are friends!!!!!!!!! These cold hard facts,that were told to me, by friends and family of both sexes. and like most a lot of you, at first I didn't listen, but I did LEARN over time!!!. Money is a TOOL not a boyfriend or girlfriend, and when you let somebody take it away, now you can't finnish or do what you want. SO LET EM GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Again, outside of a private agreement, no JOBBY JOB, NO HOMEY HOME.........HOMIE OR HOMETTES!!!!!!!!!
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Post by Blaque on Oct 29, 2006 19:01:44 GMT -5
I know for a fact that we have all been in relationships with people who didn't have our best interests at heart. It could be a woman in a relationship with a man who asks for money OR it could be a man in a relationship with a woman who wants him to take care of her and kids that aren't his. We've all been there. What's important is that we don't keep repeating our mistakes. We live and we learn.
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Post by dolphinfan on Oct 29, 2006 20:07:47 GMT -5
I know for a fact that we have all been in relationships with people who didn't have our best interests at heart. It could be a woman in a relationship with a man who asks for money OR it could be a man in a relationship with a woman who wants him to take care of her and kids that aren't his. We've all been there. What's important is that we don't keep repeating our mistakes. We live and we learn. I agree. but reading what I was reading, I was left . How can you claim sovereignty over yourself, then claim stupidity in the same sentence. We all make mistakes........... but at some point, you have to let go and move on and grow!!!. I swear i didn't see that!!!!!!. I just saw the blame game, and of course, it was all the mens fault, never any of the womens fault. i still don't understand this, maybe it's just me.
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Post by Blaque on Oct 30, 2006 10:46:33 GMT -5
Dolphinfan, I love you dearly, but I think you read what you wanted to read. No where in that post did I or any other woman write that we were in a relationship with a man with no job. We were discussing men in general…men that we knew. Like I said, there have been family members, casual friends, ex-boyfriends, etc who have asked to borrow money. I agree that if a woman allows a man to take advantage of her, it’s her own fault. But the post wasn’t about that. It was about why so many men are trifling. It’s too easy to say they are trifling because women allow them to be. Men should have more pride and integrity than that. Instead of passing it off on women, ask yourself, what is it about your fellow brothas that are causing them to be so lazy and manipulating. After all, dead beats are giving all Black men a bad reputation. That should be of more concern to you than the women these men are preying on.
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Post by ifayomi on Oct 30, 2006 16:58:44 GMT -5
just looking, no response just yet anyway
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Post by Blaque on Oct 30, 2006 17:15:45 GMT -5
Ifayomi, you are a very wise man. Jump in with a response whenever you’re ready.
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Post by lusciouslois on Oct 31, 2006 9:48:01 GMT -5
Dolphin, I love you too, boo, BUT the only thing I will respond to (right now anyway) is that you brought up "church men." Speaking from my own experiences, CHURCH MEN DO NOT MAKE GOOD MEN! Maybe at one time that was true, but not every man that goes to church, professes Christianity, carries a Bible, quotes scripture or has a position in church is a GOOD man. There are plenty of them who want a womant to take care of them. I know some men hate when I turn things around on the men BUT ask some of your churchy friends why they ignore the church women but chase and leer after the, well, you know who and what I mean.. Not all of us are prudes or stuck up, etc.
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Post by ifayomi on Oct 31, 2006 17:40:11 GMT -5
May I ask where is the original thread, and what is the title. I have not yet looked in the ladies room, not saying I haven't wanted to he he he but haven't but tell me what post please. so I can see what this fuss is about. Love You much Osunkoya-Ifayomi
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Post by Blaque on Oct 31, 2006 17:46:16 GMT -5
Ifayomi, the post in the Ladies Room has the exact same title. You can't miss it.
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Post by dolphinfan on Oct 31, 2006 19:02:08 GMT -5
Dolphin, I love you too, boo, BUT the only thing I will respond to (right now anyway) is that you brought up "church men." Speaking from my own experiences, CHURCH MEN DO NOT MAKE GOOD MEN! Maybe at one time that was true, but not every man that goes to church, professes Christianity, carries a Bible, quotes scripture or has a position in church is a GOOD man. There are plenty of them who want a womant to take care of them. I know some men hate when I turn things around on the men BUT ask some of your churchy friends why they ignore the church women but chase and leer after the, well, you know who and what I mean.. Not all of us are prudes or stuck up, etc. Lois; If you follow Jesus Christ, I believe you should at least give the men in the Church a chance!!!. They are only following what the read and are told. Now of course, this does not mean all are good, because they are in the church, but it's a great start. I believe, that men read one scripture and women read another, and thats way, when you get to STRONG MINDED PEOPLE, TOGETHER, IT HARDER TO COMPREMISE for the SAKE of the relationship!!!! thats what i ment by, that part of my statement. .
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Post by dolphinfan on Oct 31, 2006 19:11:14 GMT -5
Dolphinfan, I love you dearly, but I think you read what you wanted to read. No where in that post did I or any other woman write that we were in a relationship with a man with no job. We were discussing men in general…men that we knew. Like I said, there have been family members, casual friends, ex-boyfriends, etc who have asked to borrow money. I agree that if a woman allows a man to take advantage of her, it’s her own fault. But the post wasn’t about that. It was about why so many men are trifling. It’s too easy to say they are trifling because women allow them to be. Men should have more pride and integrity than that. Instead of passing it off on women, ask yourself, what is it about your fellow brothas that are causing them to be so lazy and manipulating. After all, dead beats are giving all Black men a bad reputation. That should be of more concern to you than the women these men are preying on. Your words--> [glow=red,2,300]* It was about why so many men are trifling.*[/glow]Thats the message, I got. I have no problem, with women venting. But like another post a few months ago, it seems like, yall never address the other sides point, ESPECIALLY, if it's not a REAL MAN your talking about.
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Post by Blaque on Oct 31, 2006 19:30:11 GMT -5
Yes dear, I know what my words were. It goes without saying that we were NOT talking about real men. And it's not like we never talk about good Black men who are doing the right thing in life, because we do...I can bump those posts if you'd like. We talk about good Black men and we also discus women who allow themselves to be used. But it seems like when we vent about men who are not stepping up to the plate, it ruffles feathers. So like I said, you read and notice what you want to read and notice.
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Post by dolphinfan on Oct 31, 2006 20:23:38 GMT -5
Yes dear, I know what my words were. It goes without saying that we were NOT talking about real men. And it's not like we never talk about good Black men who are doing the right thing in life, because we do...I can bump those posts if you'd like. We talk about good Black men and we also discus women who allow themselves to be used. But it seems like when we vent about men who are not stepping up to the plate, it ruffles feathers. So like I said, you read and notice what you want to read and notice. My dearest wife, you do not have to bring up any ole post, I believe, you and others believe what, you have felt. I do not dispute that, in any way. I just sometimes feel, it's a revolving door of hate. With the Homies, getting the good Vibes, and the real men, because they ain't afraid to let there feeling be known or have something done about it. ARE ALWAYS the Victims, of this hate. I'm calling it , from ,what I'm feeling.
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Post by ifayomi on Oct 31, 2006 21:41:50 GMT -5
Still kinda got my mouth hanging open. I read the original post, and the responses. Ah I can say is woah Anyway I understand there are some men that are users, as well as women users also. But in a relationship, I personally think it should be all for one and one for all. I am not trying to make excuses for users, as I said there are some out ther, should say there are many. We as a people have really drifted far. and really are divided amongst each other. And as the male female divide it is ridiculous. Again not making excuses. But in reality, society, call it govt, or whatever there is a divide or chasm that has been created between us that we didn't create. It was created by the shytstem. First was integration to divide us amongst each other then it was put the male as far down as you can, elevate the female (which I am not against elevating the female) a nation can rise no higher than it's women. But in elevating the black female she was taught (not all) that she no longer needed the Black male. they are not neccessary only for when wanted. The Black female has been taught that it's all about me myself and I, I suppose the same can be said about the Black male. However, Look at the statistics of Black incarcerated men, Black unemployed men, etc. It is alarming, and we also must realize it is planned. My point is it should be about building each other, helping each other. Not what's mine is mine, but what is mine is ours, both Male and Female. Personal. Been married 21yrs wife never worked, I got sick could not work nearly 2 yrs (do ask how we made it we did) but the emascalation that I endured by my wife who never worked. Has left scars that cannot be healed (at least by her) It was always on my part what is mine is ours, but on her part what was hers was hers. That is not a relationship. That is not partnership, that is not going forward together, trying to be a people together
Osunkoya-Ifayomi
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Post by Blaque on Oct 31, 2006 21:51:39 GMT -5
I can only speak for myself. I LOVE Black men. There's nothing like a Black man. I think there are a lot of good hard-working Black men doing the damn thing...I try to express that on this board and I am sorry if you feel it is more negative than positive. I respect your feelings, please know that it's nothing personal.
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