GODDESS
B.E. Member 1
The Goddess is in Every Woman
Posts: 36
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Post by GODDESS on Jan 7, 2007 18:22:15 GMT -5
I got this from another board. Waiting for a man to propose seens such a passive act. As though it is his decsion to get married because you have to wait for him to ask. And what if he never does. Then what. A woman wastes her life waiting on him to be ready?
What I really dont understand is when she waits but they live together or have children together. If a person can shack and bring babies into the world, why cant they get married?
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Post by Blaque on Jan 7, 2007 19:16:09 GMT -5
I think some men always want that "out". They know that if they don't get married, they can always leave if they find someone better.
Personally, if I found a man who could be committed to me without wanting to get married, that would be ideal. It would make things less messy when I kicked him out as I eventually will.
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sweetpie
B.E. Staff Sergeant
Posts: 2,081
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Post by sweetpie on Jan 7, 2007 19:19:11 GMT -5
She's wasting her time...
He's putting her off, why should it change? He's got kitty, a housekeeper, cook, extra income and if he's got a kid a babysitter to boot. It is obvious that he is not ready and probably is waiting for something else that, ahem MAY come along. We always want to believe in our live-in love which is cute... but she is on borrowed time now if he hadn't asked in 2 years give it up!
In answer to your question she actually believes that if she gives him what he so called wants he will give her what she wants in return NOT! Men and women DO NOT... I repeat DO NOT think alike. She needs to start thinking for herself and what she wants because for one she has given HIM the power in the relationship. If he wants to be with her he needs to prove it. If he hasn't come up out the box by now, she'll be 30 with a few kids and still no ring.
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Post by pelicanguy on Jan 7, 2007 20:04:13 GMT -5
I'm with sweetie. They're literally living as if they are married...except they don't have the ring, marriage certificate and she with his last name. What more does he want? Why some women believe that moving in with their man will eventually lead to marriage, I will never know. He clearly isn't ready to walk down the aisle....otherwise, he would have already done so.
If a man wants to marry his girlfriend, he will propose to her. I can't tell you when, but it will happen. She and others bugging him and pressuring him isn't going to help...it only make things worse.
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cinnaroll32
B.E. Sergeant
Happiness is the key.
Posts: 1,637
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Post by cinnaroll32 on Jan 7, 2007 20:10:47 GMT -5
I'm with sweetie. They're literally living as if they are married...except they don't have the ring, marriage certificate and she with his last name. What more does he want? Why some women believe that moving in with their man will eventually lead to marriage, I will never know. He clearly isn't ready to walk down the aisle....otherwise, he would have already done so. If a man wants to marry his girlfriend, he will propose to her. I can't tell you when, but it will happen. She and others bugging him and pressuring him isn't going to help...it only make things worse.
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GODDESS
B.E. Member 1
The Goddess is in Every Woman
Posts: 36
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Post by GODDESS on Jan 7, 2007 20:16:25 GMT -5
I'm with sweetie. They're literally living as if they are married...except they don't have the ring, marriage certificate and she with his last name. What more does he want? Why some women believe that moving in with their man will eventually lead to marriage, I will never know. He clearly isn't ready to walk down the aisle....otherwise, he would have already done so. If a man wants to marry his girlfriend, he will propose to her. I can't tell you when, but it will happen. She and others bugging him and pressuring him isn't going to help...it only make things worse. I agree she shouldnt bug him. Please. She needs to have more self respect thant that. They need to have a conversation around where they are headed. If they cant agree and arent on the same page she needs to shup up and deal or bounce. Getting married should be an agreement between both parties, not something a woman pines for while waiting for him man to make a move. its her live too, why is this only in his hands? We are always treatingmen with kid gloves so yall dont bounce. Please. You are either heading towards marriage or you arent. All this not ready bullshit is an excuse. Her first mistake was shacking up knowing thats not how she wanted to live.
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Sista Chi
B.E. Sergeant
There's No One Like Her
Posts: 1,190
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Post by Sista Chi on Jan 7, 2007 21:41:22 GMT -5
She f*cked up by compromising her principles......
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 years now. I originally said that I wouldn’t live with him before marriage, but...
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sweetpie
B.E. Staff Sergeant
Posts: 2,081
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Post by sweetpie on Jan 9, 2007 18:45:51 GMT -5
But... do you think it will happen? First of all do you still want it?
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Post by dolphinfan on Jan 10, 2007 20:17:50 GMT -5
I think too many times, people try to get old fashion values, mixed up with moderen one's. If she is a religious women, she shouldn't be shacking up in the first place!. If it's something that really bothers her. if she's a moderen women, she needs to reevaluate, her needs.She should sit him down, and find out were he stands, wether he answers truthfully or not. And make a decision, based on her needs from his answers. Too many times, womens ACTIONS, not REACTIONS, tell the truth, about how she feels. I have met women, who have shacked up, but were not PLanning to have children until marriage!!. Others, that have children or kid, and will not have another one until marriage, having a CHOICE!!! has it's rewards, and losses. I think SUB CONCIOUSLY, women do try to change men, into what they want, and when it dosen't work, they want to blame the world. Not their failure ,to change the man. This man could be a loving person, but thinks marriage isn't a cure all for all that may ail the relationship, or maybe, he's just not as commited as she likes. Either way, she , not he, should step up to her OWN PLATE. Answer, her own questions. And make a decision, based on the facts, not her feelings. I'm a man, and this is my point of view. I hear too many women crying, but doing nothing , but complaining, instead of making positive changes in her life. To either move on, make adjustments, or even a dead-line. either way, just step up!!!
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Post by pelicanguy on Jan 11, 2007 13:48:30 GMT -5
She f*cked up by compromising her principles...... I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 years now. I originally said that I wouldn’t live with him before marriage, but... But what? Having second thoughts? Thinking of compromising your own standards? What?
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Sista Chi
B.E. Sergeant
There's No One Like Her
Posts: 1,190
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Post by Sista Chi on Jan 11, 2007 15:15:37 GMT -5
She f*cked up by compromising her principles...... I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 years now. I originally said that I wouldn’t live with him before marriage, but... But what? Having second thoughts? Thinking of compromising your own standards? What? That was a quote from above, Brother B, from the original author's post, what the girl was saying. I took that sentence out and wrote above it, that she f'ed up in compromising her own principles for a man, who didn't have her best interest in mind at all.
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Post by pelicanguy on Jan 11, 2007 16:52:10 GMT -5
I follow ya.
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drok9
B.E. Sergeant
Too Blessed To Be Stressed
Posts: 1,084
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Post by drok9 on Jan 19, 2007 21:02:29 GMT -5
Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for FREE!!!
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