Post by jazzlover on Dec 13, 2006 15:00:23 GMT -5
Phrases such as “Let’s just be friends” or “We’re better off as friends” can be the kiss of death in a relationship because these proclamations usually precede a breakup. Are these words usually genuine attempts at salvaging a part of the relationship or are they generally used to soften the blow with no intention of following through? If you’ve ever been through a breakup where these words were uttered either by your significant other or by yourself, you may be privy to whether or not there’s any truth to them. But it still begs the question: Should you be friends with your ex after a breakup? Breaking up with a significant other can turn your life as you know it upside down. There’s nothing easy about breakups, but inevitably we will all go through one at some point in our lives before we find the right person to grow old with. Breakups are particularly painful when you’ve invested a lot of time into making a relationship work. So it’s natural for both people in the relationship to not want to abruptly end all communications, even though the romantic relationship is technically over. In comes the “let’s just be friends” part…
Being able to stay friends with your ex can depend on the nature of the romantic relationship you had together. Did your relationship start off on a friendly foundation or did you jump right into it upon meeting each other? How long did the relationship last? Was the breakup mutual or was one party blindsided? Was there a betrayal in the relationship that led to the break up? Do you have children together? Based on these answers, should you be friends with your ex? To help you rationally consider what’s best for your well-being, also ask yourself these four questions: 1. What Will the Nature of the Friendship Be? Do you plan on remaining close friends or does “Let’s just be friends” mean that you’ll both be pleasant when you bump into each other around town? There are different types of friendships; friends you go out with, friends you see only on occasion, friends you tell everything to. Where will your new “friends only” relationship fall? Chances are that the nature of your friendship may not fall into any of these categories because of its complicated nature. You may be able to go bowling together once a month, but you may never be able to really share the feelings that close friends share with each other. This is especially true regarding deep feelings or feelings about new love interests or rejection because of pride issues. Is the label of remaining friends the same as maintaining an actual quality, worthwhile friendship?
2. Can You Get Past Old Passion? Can you be friends after breaking up when passion still exists? Romantic relationships usually involve a high level of passion, and even after a relationship has fizzled, it doesn’t mean that the passion or attraction does. As the old saying goes, sex changes everything. Once you’ve been intimate with someone, a unique bond has formed and feelings have changed – these feelings can be difficult to shake after the relationship has turned from romantic to platonic. You are also risking the chance of falling back into old habits regarding sex, no matter how much you pledge not to, and that is not a healthy routine to be in. Passion is powerful, so don’t forget to weigh that in your decision.
3. What About Other Future Romantic Relationships? After a breakup, the thought of a new partner in the future may not be on your mind because you’re not quite over the old one. But remaining friends with your ex may sabotage a future romantic relationship in a variety of ways, most notably that a new significant other may not be so keen on the idea of you fraternizing with your ex. Remaining super-close with your ex may form a breeding ground for jealousy and distrust in a new relationship.
4. Can You Truly Move On?If you were the one broken up with, you especially need to ask yourself this question. Hanging on to a “friendship” can truly hinder the need to move on with your life, especially because so many memories are attached to that relationship. If the breakup wasn’t mutual, a friendship could be giving false hope to the party still in love. Will you be OK with your ex entering into a new relationship? You also may be more hesitant to venture out into the sea of love to find yourself a new catch. Or you may end up getting back together after breaking up, even when the relationship ended for a good reason, and you can end up repeating an unhealthy cycle. The hardest part of breaking up with a significant other is the reality that you won’t be involved in their daily lives like you once were. You can still hold onto the relationship by maintaining a friendship, but it may not be the most realistic choice or best idea for your personal well-being. So should you be friends with your ex? Only you can decide that, but just remember to give it some honest consideration and to proceed with caution. (Perfect Match)
Being able to stay friends with your ex can depend on the nature of the romantic relationship you had together. Did your relationship start off on a friendly foundation or did you jump right into it upon meeting each other? How long did the relationship last? Was the breakup mutual or was one party blindsided? Was there a betrayal in the relationship that led to the break up? Do you have children together? Based on these answers, should you be friends with your ex? To help you rationally consider what’s best for your well-being, also ask yourself these four questions: 1. What Will the Nature of the Friendship Be? Do you plan on remaining close friends or does “Let’s just be friends” mean that you’ll both be pleasant when you bump into each other around town? There are different types of friendships; friends you go out with, friends you see only on occasion, friends you tell everything to. Where will your new “friends only” relationship fall? Chances are that the nature of your friendship may not fall into any of these categories because of its complicated nature. You may be able to go bowling together once a month, but you may never be able to really share the feelings that close friends share with each other. This is especially true regarding deep feelings or feelings about new love interests or rejection because of pride issues. Is the label of remaining friends the same as maintaining an actual quality, worthwhile friendship?
2. Can You Get Past Old Passion? Can you be friends after breaking up when passion still exists? Romantic relationships usually involve a high level of passion, and even after a relationship has fizzled, it doesn’t mean that the passion or attraction does. As the old saying goes, sex changes everything. Once you’ve been intimate with someone, a unique bond has formed and feelings have changed – these feelings can be difficult to shake after the relationship has turned from romantic to platonic. You are also risking the chance of falling back into old habits regarding sex, no matter how much you pledge not to, and that is not a healthy routine to be in. Passion is powerful, so don’t forget to weigh that in your decision.
3. What About Other Future Romantic Relationships? After a breakup, the thought of a new partner in the future may not be on your mind because you’re not quite over the old one. But remaining friends with your ex may sabotage a future romantic relationship in a variety of ways, most notably that a new significant other may not be so keen on the idea of you fraternizing with your ex. Remaining super-close with your ex may form a breeding ground for jealousy and distrust in a new relationship.
4. Can You Truly Move On?If you were the one broken up with, you especially need to ask yourself this question. Hanging on to a “friendship” can truly hinder the need to move on with your life, especially because so many memories are attached to that relationship. If the breakup wasn’t mutual, a friendship could be giving false hope to the party still in love. Will you be OK with your ex entering into a new relationship? You also may be more hesitant to venture out into the sea of love to find yourself a new catch. Or you may end up getting back together after breaking up, even when the relationship ended for a good reason, and you can end up repeating an unhealthy cycle. The hardest part of breaking up with a significant other is the reality that you won’t be involved in their daily lives like you once were. You can still hold onto the relationship by maintaining a friendship, but it may not be the most realistic choice or best idea for your personal well-being. So should you be friends with your ex? Only you can decide that, but just remember to give it some honest consideration and to proceed with caution. (Perfect Match)